They start by attacking the way you see yourself. You might even don`t understand it because it could start with great feedback for something that is not quite great but it`s good to believe it. So why not? It feels so good (here I am not talking about genuine feedback). This is the point where they will gain your trust and shortly after will come the bad one if you don`t want to follow the right direction.

Second phase: No right answer.

Whatever you do is wrong even it`s not. But you already believe those people that glamorized you so you should listen to them and do what they want from you. If not we are coming to the rescuer that appears in order to save you, build you again, and bully you again if you are not following their desires. Like this, a lot of people are blocked in the circle of manipulation and mental violence that control their lives. They try to put shame on people for the things that they actually do to them and people are afraid to talk about this.

I want to give you some examples so you will be able to understand better.

Example 1:

Question to politician: The previous political party said they will take to jail a specific group, person, criminals, who you will put in jail?

Any of the obvious answers is wrong. Yes, even if say who deserves it. Why? Because is not their job to put somebody in jail they have to build them a fair system that has to do this.

Example 2:

A call to the fair fighting team to help for moving a paralyzed person for medical treatment. If they do it is wrong because it`s not their job to do it. If they don`t the person could die. So it`s good that they had helped but the right answer is where is the support for those people.

Example 3:

In the workplace. Your boss is out of the office but there is a sudden important visit or a colleague come to you with a request to help for something that is not your job. If you denied your boss will blame you that you are an unsupportive team member and you don’t think of the company. If you help then they will blame you that this is not your job and it`s not done well, or you mess up everything even if you don`t.

Example 4:

They gave you work out of your scope but when a colleague comes to you with a related problem they blame you that you are a schemer or a gossip. If you don`t take it into account then again is bad because you are not performing the work.

Example 5:

A connection asks you for money or it could be a charity organization. If you refuse you will be defined as coldhearted and you lack humanity. If you help you could be scammed. You can ask for their registration and ask them to raise funding on the specialized platforms for such activities.

Example 6:

You are in a situation where you need something but the choices you have will only bring more problems. In other words, you will be fooled if you try but also if you don`t. So the solution is a third choice. Depending on the case it will be different but one thing is sure neither to try nor to not try will be good for you. In such cases stick to your core values and what is right.

Another method of manipulation is to promise you something with many conditions to please and when it will happen it`s not clear.

Don`t stay a victim of such a violent circle. Take control of your life.

HOW?

KNOW YOURSELF!

MAKE A SWOT ANALYSIS OF YOURSELF

Straights:

• What are your skills?
• What are your talents?
• What you are doing effortlessly?
• What you are really good at?
• You can make skill tests. There are different platform that offer different type of tests.
• What is your potential?
• What are your values?
• What are your straights?
• What childhood interests or dreams did you have? Have you done something about them? Is it possible to be one of your talents?
• With what part of your work you can be proud of yourself?
• If there is exactly the same person in front of your self how you will describe it? What SWOT analysis you would make for him/her? What would you admire in him/her?

Weaknesses:

• Which are your weak points?
• What you can do about them?
• How you can improve them?
• At which points you are feeling insecure?
• How you can get more practice on them in order to overcome this insecureness?
• What kind of mistakes you are more often doing?
• What is the reason for them?
• What you can do about it in order to prevent doing it?

Opportunities for growth. DON`T STOP LEARNING!

• What do you need in order to add more value and expand the skills and knowledge you already have?
• Do you have interests in different fields?
• Are they connected somehow to the skills and knowledge you already have?
• Even if they are not connected can you connect or combine them in your activity?
• What is your potential?
• What are your vision for your life and the life itself?
• What are your dreams?

Threats:

• What do you afraid of?
• Can you define if and when you act due to fear?
• What kind of external factors can affect you, your actions, your way of thinking, your mood, your way of work, and your self-esteem?
• What you can do in order to limit or minimize those influences?
• Make a risk prevention plan for your life.

Be honest with your answers. It`s important to have the correct picture of yourself. Knowing yourself is the force that nobody can take away from you and hurt you with gaslighting.

Making your own measurement system to which you can refer in abusive situations will keep you confident, unshakable, and independent by others’ opinions. Feedback is a good thing when is genuine, constructive and it`s target is to become better not to manipulate you or to ruine your self-esteem.

The worst thing is to not do anything. Action will give you more confidence.

Make the analysis and start acting accordingly even if you are scared. Make an action plan to reach your goals or main points from the analysis.

Take control of your life.

• Make the analysis
• Make an action plan for your goals
• Ask for help
• Report the case
• Find a coach
• Take our program “Personal SWOT analysis” for deeper understanding and help in making and executing your action plan.