My madness greats your madness
My madness greets your madness or
My uniqueness greets your uniqueness
I start with this provoking title to release the worries many people have that if they show their uniqueness they will be judged, claimed, or even labeled like crazy by some people that don`t understand it. (I`m not talking about here real clinical cases) Simply some people are not able just to understand different perspectives or in some cases even gaslighting you or manipulating you. And now I want to give more information for a better understanding of those threats as you could be in such a situation but you could even not be able to notice it.
What does gaslighting means?
The term gaslighting comes from the 1938 British play Gaslight, in which the husband misplaces random objects around the house and dims the gaslight to make his wife think she is going crazy(when she is not).
How this is used in life today?
The gaslighter externalizes and projects their thoughts, feelings, or perceptions onto the victim. In other words, they are trying to tell the other people who they are according to their perception and demanding the people to accept this as their “real self”.
What includes:
- Minimizing feelings – telling you that you are too much emotional, overreacting.
- The questioning reality, your memories, and past events
- Denial of the bad things they did
- Reputation dragging – trying to discredit you in front of others, doing things behind your back, and trying to present it as yours
- Using your words against you in different meanings or in an inapplicable situation to drag you down. Here we could add the trolling as well.
You can read more about gaslighting on The Science of people
The second case is manipulation in
“The victim drama triangle”.
So, in this case, there is a Persecutor that makes your life impossible and blames you for everything, even for the bad things they are doing. The target is to push the Victim to go to the Rescuer that has to save it according to the plan and this is the only option because the Victim is convinced that is powerless, hopeless, tucked, and incapable. The problem is that in this case the victim`s self-esteem is smashed, not able to see the real self-value and uniqueness. In other words, is destroyed to be built according to the Rescuer’s desires losing herself/himself. As a result, the Victim`s wishes, desires, dreams, potential, talent, and uniqueness are diminished and people are forced to be and do what their abuser wants. They are reworded when they go in the “right” direction and punished when they are themself. In the end, people could have a lot but at the same time are unhappy and unsatisfied, and are trying to compensate for what is missing with wanting more and more, and enough is never enough. If they want to make a change they would be most probably gaslighted with reputation dragging or make them ashamed that they have a lot but they are unsatisfied and unthankful to the Rescuer. In other words, the Rescuer that saved them and build them after they were destroyed can also break them if they don`t please them.
Both cases Gaslighting and the Drama triangle are violent, very dangerous ones that can ruin people`s lives. If you are a victim of any of them do not hesitate to ask for help and you can follow also the steps described in the article from the link above.
THE GOOD NEWS
While there could be such people that will call you crazy there always will be other people that will see the beauty of your uniqueness and the good news is that there is research for this. It shows that:
Being weird is a huge dopamine producer for other people.
(dopamine – the happiness hormone)
The research also shows that weird experiences or communicating with such people boost people`s creativity, cognitive activity, and pattern recognition. It gets their brain working a new way and be more flexible. More information about the research you can watch in their free course on Udemy: 7 – scientifically proven steps to increase your influence
I want to share with you the example of Vanessa Van Edwards (you can watch it in the video course) to make unique business cards lollipops. Yes, you had read correctly lollipops. Do you know what was the reaction of the people she gave?
“The coolest business cards ever.”
So showing your uniqueness will not only capture their interest but also will boost their happiness, creativity, and flexibility.
How to show our uniqueness without hurting others?
There is a simple and easy way that you can use even for taking decisions.
Try to use your unique talent, skills, and potential to create a Win-Win situation for all parties – You and the others. Appreciate and show your value, not for the loss of the other party but instead, try to show your uniqueness and compliment their uniqueness as well.
My uniqueness greets your uniqueness.
